its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
