Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
