Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize
