He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
