I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
