after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
