How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
