Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
