OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
