My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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