Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
