i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
