I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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