New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
