I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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