Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the day after is always just damage control
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
