If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
