At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
