You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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