i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
