Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
