The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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