the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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