I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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