he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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