we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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