You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
