you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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