yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
