worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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