He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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