Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
