Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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