Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this will be a night to untag.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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