i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
