If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
