She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
