If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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