Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
