I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
