last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Of course I have a pirate flag
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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