Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
