just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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