You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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