Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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