I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
