Plan B is the new Plan A
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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