i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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