It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
