I love black thongs
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
