my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
