I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
