Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
