First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
