I puked a lego.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
