Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
