I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
where are you?
Hypothermia
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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