He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
