If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
then he tried to convert me to islam
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
