pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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