3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
