Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
