do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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