Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
