someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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